hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
