guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
