your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
