I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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