i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
