the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
People in love make me want to vomit
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
