why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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