He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
