I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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