So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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