This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Mom said you looked used
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
