Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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