so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
