I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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