I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
