Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
