i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
