Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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