Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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