just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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