he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
