did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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