i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
