my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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