It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
