I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
