Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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