The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
