Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
why do cheetos always look like penises
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
