"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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