you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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