why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Farmville is her only friend.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
