Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
