Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
