Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
