I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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