Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
