saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
