I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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