just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
