she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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