I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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