the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
