Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
