my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
