Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
