I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
