I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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