Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
