haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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