i just google imaged poop.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
