you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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