How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
