The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
