Pass out mid-funnel last night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
