Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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