ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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