Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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